A Weekend At Writers Fantasy Camp

I am heading home after four days in Stowe, Vermont, working with other writers on our pilot and feature film scripts. It was a very valuable experience. I got great feedback from other writers and industry experts (actors, distributors, producers, managers, other writers with successful projects) and learned a lot about writing genres and an industry that I knew very little about when I applied to Stowe Story Labs last year. Even better than the industry insights was the attitude and support from the other participants.

Here’s an example: Another writer asked me where I saw my TV pilot being shown. I said, “Maybe network TV or HBO, or like, a streamer. As if that will ever happen.”

His response: “Please don’t say that. Not here. It could happen. Maybe it won’t, but you have to believe in it.”

I quickly apologized and agreed but the comment really took me by surprise. Or more importantly, it reminded me that I have to believe in myself because there’s no one else who will do it for me. Or maybe it’s better to say, no one will believe in me if I don’t believe in myself so I should either shut up and quit or advocate for my own projects.

It’s not a unique insight but it’s hard to keep this mantra in the front of my mind when I think about my writing projects. There’s a chemical in my brain that is amplifying my imposter fears. It takes a lot of energy for me to beat back the worst story of all: that I am a crappy writer and a failure.

That energy would be much better spent on writing, rewriting, and submitting for publication. I know that, and it shouldn’t take a new acquaintance to point out that the root of my problems - the very thing I fear the most - is the only thing that can make my fears come true. If I hold myself back and refuse to believe in myself out of a fear of failure, it’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. I will fail.

I’ve probably told myself this five hundred times. Going forward, I am going to stop telling myself this and let Anand tell me this. Well, a fictional Anand. Anand was the only other participant that was a still-practicing lawyer. He works, during the lull in Executive Orders, at the CFPB. It’s a precarious job, and he’s watched his life work challenged beyond what he ever expected possible. But he’s an optimist and every day, he tells himself it’s worth staying there to protect his work, giving the best legal advice he can, unless or until he is asked to do something against the law. At that point, he’ll leave. In the meantime, he will work on his script about the daughter of an immigrant who marries a political striver whose politics run counter to her own upbringing. (You might recognize the inspiration for this story.) He doesn’t tell himself that there’s no point or that it won’t ever get made. At least as he presented himself to me and others at the Story Lab, he just puts one foot in front of the other, doing what he can.

In addition to Anand’s voice, I will try to listen to Noah, who said that my dialogue reads like The West Wing (that’s a good thing), and Chet, who said he wanted to give me a co-writer credit for all the good ideas I gave him. And I’ll listen to Claire, a producer whose response to my pitch was “Perfect! Now do it again!” (I don’t care if she says that to anyone else. She took the time to say it to me.)

I am obviously not the person I should be taking advice from so I will try taking it from other people instead.

Other Stuff

On my drive up to Vermont and back, I listened to the first few episodes of Dolly Parton’s America. It’s great; highly recommend.

In just under two weeks, Do You 10Q? is starting again. What is it? You answer 10 questions in 10 days and then a year later, your answers are emailed to you for reflection and then you answer them again. This practice is inspired by the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur but this isn’t a strictly Jewish “thing.” It’s for everyone. This will be my third year, I think. I am looking forward to it. Sign up now!

Let’s see, what else? I just finished Season 6 of Unforgotten (on PBS) and once again recommend this show. Definitely start in the first season if you haven’t watched it before. It’s not strictly necessary but it makes it better.