Getting Old Is Getting Easier

I’m running again. I am slower than I used to be, and I’m taking it as easy as possible, using an app called 5K Runner to help me ramp back up. This morning was my fourth run. Within a minute of starting, I noticed something: my running pants (capris) were slipping down a little. I yanked them up and realized, as I did, that these were the running capris I had worn when I first started running - sixteen years ago. They weren’t even new then. And then I noticed that my running bra was struggling a bit too. It’s probably the same age as my younger son, a rising high school senior.

I finished my run and told myself, during the walking cooldown, that I would throw away the pants and bra when I got home, but of course, I didn’t. I don’t like to part with things for the sole reason that they are old. Old is not bad. In fact, there’s a growing consensus that old is pretty awesome.

Who, you wonder as you make a middle-aged groan, holds this consensus view? American culture is shifting toward the view that getting older isn’t so bad after all. As with most things, the ground may have been laid by the sheer number of Baby Boomers Gone Wild, but it’s influenced just as much by us Gen Xers. Gen Xers (born 1964-1980) were prematurely old - the generation of latchkey kids, divorced parents, etc. - and yet have been boxed out of power and the C-suite by the sheer number of elders who never intend to retire. We are forever young and forever old.

And our cultural influence in this regard is finally showing up in interesting ways. Here’s a sample of the stuff I have enjoyed over the past year that I think are harbingers of a culture more welcoming to people who have lived or are in the process of living.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus (age 62) is hosting an awesome podcast called Wiser Than Me, where she interviews women who are older than she is. Most of her interviewees have incredible wisdom to share, such as Diane von Furstenberg preferring the question “How long have you lived?” to “How old are you?” Both Jane Fonda and Carol Burnett share that they would tell the 21-year-old version of themselves, “No is a complete sentence.” Even when her subjects aren’t sharing wisdom, it’s fascinating to hear the breadth of experiences these women are having in their older years. Fran Lebowitz at 72 sounds much older than Darlene Love (81) or Carol Burnett (age 90). Isabelle Allende (80) talks about finding love again and Rhea Perlman (75) shares about her separation from Danny DeVito (but not in a gossipy way). Dreyfus can be a little “much” sometimes but she’s also hilarious and at 62, sounds like she has another 60 years left in her, which I hope is true.

When Gail Sheehy published Passages in 1974, women hoped that it was the beginning of a revolution in how menopause would be studied and understood. Instead, Passages was the sole entry in the list of resources that women could access (outside of their doctor’s office) to find out about That Change. Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Hunter is a welcome addition to the library, and I don’t think she’ll have the last word. The New York Times seems to have a couple of reporters on the menopause beat.

Here on Substack, Sari Botton is publishing Oldster Magazine which has great interviews and essays about, well, everything.

Who qualifies as an “oldster”?

Everyone. You read that right: everyone qualifies as an oldster. Oldster Magazine is NOT about old people. Well, not exclusively about old people. (And who decides at what age “old” begins, anyway?) It’s about all people, who are having the experience of getting older.

Deborah Levy’s Living Autobiography series - Things I Don’t Want to Know, Cost of Living, and Real Estate - are not new but I will take every opportunity I can to recommend them to people. Levy, a woman who has lived longer than me, writes her books as she is living them so that her experiences are revelations, not memories. The reader is living alongside her as she navigates parenthood, divorce, love, writing, buying a home. It sounds quotidian but it’s the opposite; she infuses these everyday experiences with beauty and reflection and growth that the reader then feels about their own life.

Given the number of Oscars it received, you probably don’t need my endorsement to see Everything Everywhere All At Once, but I think it’s more than notable that the best movie of the year (and maybe decade/century) stars three people who are not young have lived. And they aren’t pretending to be young. The characters are the age of the actors with the attendant problems and disappointments of being a person who has lived many long and difficult lives (across all of time and space). Anyway, I love this movie and I love that the most creative movie of 2022 was about olds.

And in the category of music? I uncharacteristically have no specific recommendations. I used to be super-annoyed and judgmental about reunion tours and nostalgia trips but then on March 4, 2016, I saw Prince perform at Oracle Arena. He died 6 weeks later. Tomorrow is never promised, go to the reunion show if you want.