Some Pointless Political Rankings
We’re 5 months from the midterms and we’ve already lost our first 2028 presidential candidate. I thought I’d lean into the absurdity of discussing the presidential race in May 2026 by ranking the potential Dem candidates by order of (my) preference (from worst to best).
(27) Andrew Cuomo - absolute non-starter as a candidate but this sexual predator probably misses the limelight.
(26) John Fetterman - quasi Republican who hates to work so I doubt he'd run, except to see his name in the news.
(25) Rahm Emanuel - This narcissist also misses getting attention, and keeps releasing stale, centrist crap so he seems like the adult in the room. And even if he were remotely likeable, please remember Laquan McDonald, may he rest in peace.
(24) Elissa Slotkin - Not sure why the name of a first term Schumerite would be bandied about in the presidential campaign, especially when she doesn't seems to have any policy ideas or leadership skills.
(23) Kirstin Gillibrand/Jared Polis - everything I said about Slotkin applies to Gillibrand and Polis, although they have a little more experience. Polis's support for RFK Jr. is disqualifying. Remember that? And Gillibrand is well-known for what recent policy advocacy? I'll wait.
(21) Tom Steyer - I cannot tell you how tired I am of this leftist Trump billionaire who keeps trying to buy himself a government to run. He's only ahead of the other people because I agree with his policies in principle even if I don't think he's the right person to be president.
(20) Gavin Newsom - I really don't this ego maniac to be president either. He's almost as noxious as Rahm Emmanuel but he had has some good instincts as California governor, so he's not totally disqualified.
(19) Josh Shapiro - I do not think this fake Obama voice mime has a chance. Like Slotkin, AIPAC's support for him will make it difficult to get any support among young people, for whom Gaza is a overlooked (in 2024) critical factor in their decision-making.
As an aside, a lot of people think that young people's disdain for Israel is antisemitic (and there may be instances of that) but I think they are horrified that Democrats are not capable of calling the genocide in Gaza what it is, and for having hypocritical foreign policy positions that do not address human rights violations. The failure to address them in Gaza strongly suggests the Dems will not address them domestically. I.e. that no one will be held accountable for ICE, political corruption, the economic death spiral they face, etc. Okay, back to our rankings.
(18) Kamala Harris - Despite being a proponent of a quick primary in 2024, I supported Harris nevertheless, and I assume she has the same qualifications she had then. It remains a problem that she has boring policy ideas and fails to deal with the Gaza problem above. But I do want to support a Black woman for President, which is why she's in this spot.
(17) Ruben Gallego - I don't even know enough about Gallego to know where he goes, so he goes here.
(16) Cory Booker - Ugh. I like Cory. I want him to be a better candidate than he is. But truly, he's so corny. I basically like him because New Jersey and that's it.
(15) Andy Beshear - Beshear has what Dems love. A friendly liberal white guy from a Southern state. It's Bill Clinton redux but Beshear doesn't seem quite as slimy. We'll see. He's been a governor, so he has decent experience, and he knows how to talk to independents and work with conservaties.
(14) Ro Khanna - He's getting credit for his Epstein file leadership here. Also he's progressive. When I find out his views on AI, I imagine his rank will plummet but he can hang out here for a while.
(13) Bernie Sanders - Bernie is in italics because he probably won't run, and I don't even want him to, but his name is in the mix so I gotta put him somewhere. I agree with his policies but think he's too old and too incapable of incorporating the voices of others. He reminds me of left wing bosses I had who sexually harassed administrative staff but acted like a feminist around the professional staff. Not saying Bernie does that. It just feels like he does.
(12) Pete Buttigieg - Too centrist but he's very smart and he's a great messenger. I want him to run because I think he can frame issues well for voters and motivate the Dems to sound smarter.
(11) Tim Walz - I just like Tim. Sue me.
(10) Mark Kelly - On paper, a close to ideal candidate. Astronaut? Gun violence survivor wife who is a national leader on gun violence reform? Military veteran and actual hero? Perfect. In reality, sort of centrist and bland. We'll see. I would love him to carve an anti-corruption lane that makes everyone else agree to prosecute the assholes in charge right now.
(9) JB Pritzker - I guarantee you that I won't have JB in this spot for very long. I am morally opposed to billionaires. But he's a good governor and a giant nerd, and like Pete, is so good on explaining things well and plainly while also standing for what's right, that I want his voice in the mix.
(8) (Maura Healy/Michelle Lujan Grisholm) I don't know anything about these women, who I think are governors in Massachusetts and New Mexico respectively, but they're women so I'm just putting them higher for that reason alone.
(7) Chris VanHollen - Vibes based placement here.
(6) Jon Ossoff - Another credible messenger who is also a Southern pretty boy. He is the one currently doing the best job tying Trump's corruption to the shittiness of literally everything else.
(5) Gretchen Whitmer - She's our first casualty of the non-existent race. Gretchen, we hardly knew ya.
(4) Wes Moore - Competent likable governor with a great resume. Not sure he can go the distance but I'll put him here.
(3) Chris Murphy - Another good messenger who intends to hold Trump regime accountable. It's weird that he's in the two spot. We'll see how long he lasts here.
(2) Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez - Personally I would love an explicitly Democratic Socialist who wants universal healthcare to lead our country. She is very smart and would inspire young people. She has great instincts, and two more years to bone up on answering hard foreign policy questions. Fingers crossed.
(1) Elizabeth Warren - Warren is my OG dream president. I don't think she'll run so she's more like my fantasy candidate. She's also on the older side, and I feel strongly that it's time to break the gerontocracy.
Okay, who did I miss and what did I get wrong? Let me know!
