Turkeys, Viagra, and Never Nudes

Film Fest Review

First, a report on the Thanksgiving Film Fest: It was too ambitious. We started the day off with a nice long hike and didn’t get home until 12:15. Thankfully, there was a hiking refusenik who stayed home and he graciously preheated the oven so when I got back, the turkey could go right in.* As soon as I had the dry brine on the turkey, Fantastic Mr. Fox was on the TV, and it was perfect for the occasion. By the time I was making sweet potatoes au gratin (aka The Golden Disks from Bon Appetit magazine 1985), we were watching The Last Waltz. Again, perfect. Let me amend that: It would be perfect if they would remix it so that the interviews/dialogue were audible.

After that, I put on Alice’s Restaurant. By then, people were milling around the sitting room and every time someone new entered the room, they’d say, “What is this?” And then they’d say who they thought Arlo Guthrie looked like. Is it Liam’s friend Toby? Is it our friend’s son Finn? Anyway, the movie was too confusing for the cocktail hour so we put on a Muppet movie in the other room and ended Arlo’s film fest career. The kids emphatically preferred The Great Muppet Caper to The Muppet Movie and while that stings a little, generationally, I understand. By the end of the night, I believe they had watched at least three Muppet movies, so maybe that’s the new tradition?

*The hike went so long that the oven preheated for almost 90 minutes, at which point, the heat gauge melted or something because the oven stopped working and we had to finish the turkey on the grill. Fortunately, this was not my stepdad’s first grill turkey, and it still turned out great. I have a double oven so we were not in trouble w/r/t the sides, but it was a logistical feat to get that dinner on the table.

What I Learned From My Screenwriting Class

This weekend was also the end of a screenwriting class I’ve been taking online. The course was called Write Your Drama Pilot in Six Weeks or something, and while it wasn’t the Iowa Writers Workshop, it was helpful to have assignments and deadlines. I have indeed written a drama pilot. It’s not very good, but that’s okay. This was the second online screenwriting class I’ve taken, and here are the things I’ve learned about being human (and don’t actually involve screenwriting):

1. Stop acting bored when you’re scared. At some point in each week, I would tell myself that the assignment I’d been given was stupid and boring, that I had nothing interesting to say and even if I did, I didn’t have time to do it. And each time I heard that in my head, I told myself that I was being a chicken, to stop being scared of screwing up, and just write something. And every time, I wrote... Something. Not necessarily great, but it was written.
2. You can be both mediocre and amazing at the same time. My pilot is a good idea executed in a mediocre fashion. I’m not being self-loathing; I can tell it lacks the level of dramatic writing to catch anyone’s attention. At the same time, I wrote a whole screenplay. Most people haven’t done that. I feel kind of amazing for having it finished.
3. You can learn anything with the proper guardrails. In this case, the guardrails were assignments, deadlines, and the discipline to move past my own self-doubt.

Viagra is Gender-Affirming Care

An unrelated thought that occupied me for a full day this weekend: Viagra and breast implants are gender-affirming care. That’s not an original idea of mine; I’ve heard it somewhere. But it was stuck in my head because there’s a billboard on 580 East in Richmond (near Costco) that advertises breast implants and emphasizes that they are inserted through the belly button so there’s no scar. The idea of someone inserting a breast implant through my belly button gives me the willies, but you know what? I just don’t have to do that. Someone else might choose to, and that’s their journey.

New Archetypes

The screenwriting class also had me thinking about archetypes: protagonist, love interest, friend, mentor, antagonist. These are classics. But I’ve also been thinking about these new archetypes.

1. The Never Nude

2. Energy Vampires: “The most common type of vampire”

3. Habitual Line-Steppers

   If you want to watch the whole skit, here you go (NSFW unless you work in the club).

If you are a habitual line stepper, go ahead and share this post.

Have a great week!